Brilliant Rejection Rejection Letter

This seems not only appropriate but necessary for those of us seeking gainful employment.



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Writing with Focus - Why I'm Nocturnal

For most of my life my words have been the bread and butter of my income. Whether spoken or written, the words that originate in my head have managed to keep food on my table most days of the week. I think that qualifies me as a writer.

Like many writers, I have certain rituals and habits that tend to make others think I’m a bit off. One of them is that I do most of my best work in the middle of the night. The reason I lean toward the nocturnal is that there are very seldom any interruptions at three in the morning and that allows me to get into a thought process and stay there.

Besides, during the day I exist to cater to Blue and Skye, a couple of dachshunds that live in my house. Blue and Skye don’t understand that this is my job. They are certain I stay home so they have someone to hang out with all day.

Skye, the female we obtained to one day be the mother of Blue’s children, thinks my lap is her recliner. She does seem to know when I’m at my desk that there’s a bunch of buttons in front of me that I keep pushing on and she wants to help. The problem is, she’s a lousy typist and doesn’t spell very well.

As soon as I politely explain she has no fingers for typing she cops an attitude. The next words out of her mouth are accusing me of not appreciating her. After I’ve offended her and she’s gone in the other room to tell Blue what a jerk I am, I start feeling kind of bad. After all, she was just trying to help. If nothing else, for such a funny looking little dog, Skye has a huge heart.

But Blue has corrupted her. Before I can even offer a cookie because I hurt her feelings, Blue has told her that what I’d really like is for them to both begin playing with their toys that squeak. “The louder the better,” Blue tells her as they take off into a symphony of their own making. There’s nothing that will take your focus away from writing more quickly than two wiener dogs playing Vivaldi’s Four Seasons on a rubber cheeseburger and a pink tennis ball. I feign appreciation and listen attentively. Having already told her she’s a lousy typist there’s not a chance in the world you can get me to tell her she’s a poor musician as well.

Following the recital, Skye excuses herself to use the powder room, which is right outside the French doors in my office. Of course Blue has to go out with her. He knows that she’ll need him to bark incessantly at the first sign of one of the hundreds of squirrels that reside in our back yard. Of course her being the helper she is, she’s got to do a lot of barking too.

I swing open the door and yell for their silence, but am ignored. The frantic barking intensifies. I’ve learned the only way to silence the beasts at a moment like this is to hit them with a stream from the super soaker squirt gun I keep next to the door for just this purpose.

It’s empty so I’m standing there yelling and pumping up the squirt gun and shooting out air. By this point the squirrels are not only sticking their tongues out at Blue and Skye, but they’re laughing at me as well. I retreat to the kitchen sink and replenish my ammo. Moments before I return to the door with my weapon fully loaded, the barking dogs and laughing squirrels become silent. Just as I get to the door, Skye leaps at it to let me know she wants in.

I open the door and she rushes past me in a flurry of fur. Blue sits nonchalantly out in the yard looking at me. I say, “Come on, boy!” and he continues to sit, staring blankly. No sooner do I shut the door and return to my desk to look at the blank page where words should be, does Blue start barking again. It’s not the squirrel or cat bark. It’s not the strangers in the yard bark. It’s not even the “I want to come in now” bark. No, it’s the one he uses for no apparent reason whatsoever. Again I command, “Come on, boy!” Again he ignores me.

I take aim with the super soaker and plan my trajectory to ensure I’ll make it over the Dogwoods and hit Blue with the full stream of cold water. If I don’t hit him on the first shot, he will take evasive action. I gently squeeze the trigger.

Bull’s eye! No sooner does the water hit him than he charges toward me. Dachshunds are remarkably quick critters, considering their legs are only two inches long. Blue covers the 25 to 30 feet between us in the blink of an eye! He flies between my legs and head butts Skye who was watching the whole situation unfold from right between my two feet. Now the real fight begins.

Blue has weight and experience on his side, but Skye is not at a disadvantage. She’s quick, she’s agile and she’s smart. Plus, she’s a female and they don’t always fight fair.

The ferocious growling, snarling and yelping as these two killers chase each other around in circles is deafening. Blue takes Skye to the ground only to be out-wiggled and then he suffers a swift counter-attack. Skye unexpectedly pulls a Tyson and has Blue’s ear clamped tightly in her jaws. This looks bad for Blue.

But wait. Blue tells Skye that the sun is shining through the window onto their doggie bed and she lets go of his ear, they walk to the bed, curl up and go to sleep. It’s 11 a.m.

Now what was I writing?

Drunks Against Mad Mothers (DAMM) Strike Back

It doesn’t matter if you’re a water buffalo, canary, house pet or person, chances are favorable that you are aware of the use of statistics in our lives. Whether you’re being born, voting, living, or dying you are personally involved with statistics. I was forced to take (and pass) a Statistics class prior to receiving my college diploma, even though I claimed to be a conscientious objector.

If you’re wondering what I could have possibly been conscientiously objecting to, it was the whole concept of statistical methods. You see, I’ve watched these little bits of information be used in ways that just are not right. With the correct wording, sentence structure and a little well placed inflection, the results of a study or survey can be, and usually are, manipulated to portray whatever you want them to.

I’m going to use drunken driving statistics to show how this is accomplished. Before everyone starts trying to lynch me let me state that I do not advocate drunk driving in any way, shape or form. I’ve done it hundreds of times and I have finally concluded it’s stupid. Without adequate research and personal knowledge, however, I would not be able to say with any authority how stupid it is. (Disclaimer: The author no longer drives drunk.)

In 1980 an organization called Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) was created. Since then, MADD has grown from a small grass roots effort to a national phenomenon and they’ve done it by presenting data about drinking and driving in a manner that renders the population without a means of contesting their claims.

For instance, http://www.madd.org/ quotes information from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) that says in 2005, 39 percent of all traffic fatalities were killed in alcohol-related crashes. That’s 16,895 out of 43,443 people killed in accidents that involved alcohol. That is comparable to one person every half-hour.

This is true. What they don’t tell you though is what I have a problem with.

The term "alcohol-related" doesn’t say the fatality was caused by the presence of alcohol. If a drunk guy is walking down the street and a sober driver runs over him while swerving to miss a herd of penguins, that’s considered an alcohol-related fatality. If a drunk driver in a car gets hit by a sober guy on a bicycle, that’s reported as an alcohol-related fatality. An NHTSA Highway & Vehicle/Safety Report estimated 12 percent of alcohol-related traffic fatalities involve an intoxicated bicyclist or pedestrian and not a drunk behind the wheel of a car.

The NHTSA has also declared “a motor vehicle crash is considered to be alcohol-related if at least one driver or non-occupant (such as a pedestrian or pedal cyclist) involved in the crash is determined to have had a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .01 gram per deciliter (g/dL) or higher.” A BAC of .01 is a long way from the .08 that is considered legally intoxicated in the United States.

So when MADD cites statistics saying 39 percent of traffic fatalities, or 16,885 people, were killed in alcohol-related crashes, we now know that 2,024 of those deaths weren’t the result of someone drinking and driving an automobile. Out of the remaining 14,859 fatalities, it’s estimated that 15 percent or 2,228 fatalities involved someone with a BAC less than .08 which is not even legally intoxicated. That leaves us with 12,631 out of 43,443 traffic fatalities actually caused by drunken drivers. That comes out to 29 percent and not the 39 percent being cited by MADD.

If we then consider that 29 percent of all traffic fatalities in this country are caused by drunk drivers, wouldn’t that indicate, statistically speaking of course, that 71 percent of all traffic fatalities are caused by sober people? Who is causing more deaths on our nation’s roads, drunks or sober folks? Who should MADD really be mad at?

Another statistic I came across while researching for this article has left me scratching my head and asking, “Huh?”

According to a study released by Loyola University Health Systems, safety belts were found wrapped around 12.8 percent of fatally injured intoxicated drivers, while a whopping 33 percent of sober drivers killed in crashes were buckled in. These statistics tell me that 87.2 percent of drunks not wearing seat belts walked away from accidents while only 67 percent of sober people not buckled up were able to walk away.

And that’s why I despise the word statistics. Statistics tell me that sober folks cause more fatal accidents than drunks. So why aren’t the people not drinking and driving breaking the law, being arrested and sent to jail, followed by a treatment program that teaches them the basics of drinking and driving?

Why would there be such a huge push for people to buckle up when clearly the numbers tell us that more people die while wearing their seat belts and not drinking?

Based on this information, I suggest everyone get naked, open a beer and go for a ride without any protection…. from seatbelts I mean.

Seger - Turn The Page -1995

This guy gets my sister's panties in a knot. She'll probably even venture into cyberspace to see it!

I Got a Haircut... Looking for a Job

Wanted: One opportunity that will let me use my imagination and creativity to pursue a society that is not bullied by the government. An opportunity to promote a global community of honest leadership and involved citizens. I want a job that encourages unconventional thoughts and will encourage coloring outside the lines. The money is not as important as the personal satisfaction I will get by knowing I'm helping to make America and the World a better place to exist.

And if you don't have a job for me, financial contributions to the cause are encouraged and appreciated. My resume follows:

910 A WEST 7TH STREET – Columbia, TN 38401
PHONE: (931) 540-0211 email: pickumber@msn.com

Ron R. DeYoung

Objective
Utilize some or all mediums of technology currently available to the mass media to exercise my uniquely diverse experience and natural talents to promote integrity, while communicating local, national and world events to the public.

Summary of experience
§ 25 years communicating information, ideas & messages to public & private audiences; verbally, in writing and by utilizing electronic and print media
§ 15 years broadcasting experience; including on-air, writing, production, and directing in both radio and television venues
§ 8 years managing co-workers
§ 8 years operating own businesses: advertising agency and painting contractor
§ 7 years print, broadcast and internet journalism
§ 3 years on-line distance learning
§ 1 year design, editing and promotion of regionally targeted internet news web site

Specific Experience

August 2005 to Present MauryNewsNet.com Editor/PR
Launched the world’s smallest news organization; an internet based newspaper reporting on local and regional issues. Provide public with in-depth, often controversial reporting on local business and government issues. Developed and maintain relationship with public officials, other media and sources. Research, investigate, write and publish news and commentary that adheres to ethical and journalistic standards. Monitor reader comment board to ensure comments are not libelous and writers maintain decorum. Developed spin off cable television program to compliment web site. Promote to continue increase of readership; consistent growth to approximately 13,500 unique hits (July 2006) per month.

January 2002 to August 2005 Self Employed Student/Painting Contractor
Operated a residential painting business while pursuing undergraduate credentials. Managed all aspects of the business; personnel, promotions, placing bids. Maintained professional working relationships with general contractors, home owners and material suppliers. Ensured all work was completed in a professional, timely manner adhering to a variety of builder and owner specifications.

January 2000 to November 2001 NLL, Inc. Fiber Optic Cable Const.
Data Collector, Crew Supervisor, Foreman, Global Positioning System Technician. Ultimately responsible for detailed documentation of exact location of multi state
Fiber optic network installed throughout the United States.

February 1995 to September 1999 Advertising with Results, Inc. Owner
Created and operated small market advertising agency. Managed $150,000+ annual client advertising budgets. Created and coordinated promotional efforts of clients. Wrote and directed all production projects. Designed and printed electronic campaigns and advised clients on marketing strategies tooled specifically for their business. Liaison between clients and all media. Hosted benefit auctions for non-profit fundraisers.

February 1994 to January 1995 United Consumer’s Club Public Relations Mgr.
Performed PR duties of contacting and educating select families of benefits associated with membership in wholesale buying club. Assisted with enrollment process and introduced them to purchasing methods. Provided after sale follow-up and support.

1986 to 1993 Radio Announcer, Newscaster, Television Copywriter, Producer
Various positions requiring instinct, integrity and creativity. Duties included: hosting live radio broadcasts, gathering news from a variety of sources, writing and editing copy, conducting interviews, prioritizing and presenting news stories, electronic field production, writing and producing advertising for radio and television. Consistently developed a positive, constructive relationship between my employer, the public and myself.

May 1981 to May 1986 U.S. Navy Broadcast Journalist
Conducted interviews, wrote articles and assisted in publishing weekly newsletter on board USS Constellation (CV-64) deployed to the Western Pacific and Indian Oceans. Operated ship board radio and television stations. While Stationed in the Republic of the Philippines, hosted live radio programs and shot and edited video for daily newscasts airing on The Armed Forces Radio and Television Service – Far East Network. Learned the importance of the extraordinary communication practices required to bridge many cultural and social differences. Developed the diplomacy and tact required to peacefully co-exist with citizens of host foreign nations.

Education

May 2002 to May 2006 Montana State University Billings, Montana
Bachelor of Science in Public Relations: emphasis on Communication Law, Communication Theory, Communication Technology, Intercultural Communication, Media and Society, Advanced Video Production, Performance for the Camera, Organizational Communication and Media and PR Ethics. Dean's List and Honor Roll achieved. Contributed to bi-monthly campus newspaper

1984 to 1985 Defense Information School Ft. Ben. Harrison, Ind
Studied Journalism, Broadcasting, and Public Affairs while serving in the U.S. Navy. Class President. Certification received

Achievements - Published Many articles as Featured Contributing Author at American Chronicle.com - 2004 Honor Roll; Dean’s List – 1989 Montana Television Copywriter of the Year - 1985 Broadcasting Class President

I Like the Word Sexy

Confessions of an Indecent Lover of Words

(update)
As predicted in the following piece, not one traditional newspaper would print the article referred to. The Editor of one of them, Chris Fletcher of The Daily Herald of Columbia, TN, did consider it and called me for byline information. He sent me an e-mail a half hour later and backed out, saying if it was published elsewhere, he had no interest in it. Each issue of that paper proudly prints the words to the First Amendment guaranteeing my right to a free press, while at the same time denying those rights. None of the other papers even acknowledged reciept of the submission.

I wrote an article recently titled “Sexy Hair, Vulgar Thinking” which was published at http://www.maurynewsnet.com/ and http://www.americanchronicle.com/. I also sent it to several traditional newspapers for consideration of publication in their Opinions and Editorial pages. Unfortunately, I suspect none of the papers I submitted it to will print it. They won’t print it because it points out just how arrogantly ignorant some people in positions of power can be, and the mainstream media avoids controversy. Other reasons they might give for not printing it are because it is too wordy, or because I can’t write.

No, I’m not talking about President Bush again. I’m talking about members of the municipal government of Spring Hill, Tennessee. To make a long story short, the Mayor and Director of Codes and Inspections have more than likely violated a business owner’s First Amendment rights. Even when the blatantly obvious violation was questioned, the wise municipal leaders refused to see their error. In the true spirit of Bush era politics, they are going to stay the course, right, wrong or indifferent. When I asked the Mayor if he was concerned about the possible Constitutional violations, he told me if people have a problem with it, they could sort it out in court.

Now you’re all probably wondering what in the world I’m ranting about, so I’ll cut to the chase. The word “sexy” has been deemed vulgar and sexually obscene by these two members of the small, but growing Middle Tennessee city government. The word sexy has caused them to threaten pulling the plug on an electronic sign that features advertisements for several local businesses, if the word is not removed from an ad for a hair care product. Incidentally, the word sexy is actually in the name of the hair care product advertised.

This example of archaic thinking has got me thinking about how our species is thought to be progressive and more advanced than others. Recent current events in global, national and local venues could be used to debate that train of thought, and quite possibly dispel the silly notion that opposable thumbs make us superior beings.

If the city of Spring Hill, Tennessee were to ban all uses of the word sexy within their city limits, which their Mayor thinks they are entitled to do, their next order of business should be to elect penguins and chipmunks to serve on the city’s legislative body. The following is a glimpse at how life would be in Spring Hill, sans sexy.

GM (formerly Saturn), Spring Hill’s largest employer and taxpayer would not be allowed to use the word sexy to describe any of their new innovations in automotive design. I don’t know exact numbers, but automobile manufacturers have used the word sexy in their ads as long as I can remember. Those days of lewdness would be gone forever.

Most tabloids and magazines would have to be removed from supermarket checkout aisles. This includes the sexually explicit “People” which serves us the 50 sexiest people in the world once or twice a year, “TV Guide” which warns us of the sexy new fall television lineup, and “Star” which usually offers nothing much more than gossip and entertainment news, but can usually squeeze the word sexy onto the cover.

Signal scramblers would have to be placed around the city limits to block out the obscene material broadcast by television and radio stations. It would be nearly impossible to name all of the television shows and songs that include the word sexy in their titles or content.

Men would no longer be permitted to tell their wives they look sexy, even when they don’t, and the city library might as well burn all the books. Spouses and lovers should feel free to verbally abuse one another because it would be illegal for them to feel sexy about themselves anyway. Internet access will need to be terminated immediately for all persons and businesses in the city limits. You’d be amazed at what pops up when you google the word sexy. What a great place this will be!

Personally, I must be quite the pervert. I should be ashamed to say this publicly, but I’m not; I like the word sexy. I’ve been told I have a sexy voice, I’ve told women they have sexy eyes and I’ve even joked with my now deceased grandmother as she’d leave for church on Sundays. I still remember how she would blush and giggle when I’d tease that she must be going to church to find a man, because she looked so sexy.

Sexy can be an exclamation, a compliment or an invitation. Sexy can be cool, wet, sultry or hot. Sexy can be hard and well-defined or soft and blurry around the edges. And I suppose when used in a certain way, sexy could be considered lewd or explicit, but I find that sexy. I may be going to hell for saying it, but I like the word sexy!

At least I won’t be going to Spring Hill. Perhaps we should discuss the word “stupid” next time.

The Evolution of Media, The Supreme Court & Rights

An article addressing many of the same issues as this but in much more detail is currently on http://www.americanchronicle.com. That one is a lot longer, but very interesting to read. It actually reminded me that I can write more than opinion. In it, I actually debate myself.... and didn't do a bad job at it, either!

Media evolution is a remarkably fascinating phenomenon that has been a vital, yet often unappreciated catalyst in the development of the world as we know it. Beginning with the use of hieroglyphics by ancient Egyptian Priests and progressing to present day high speed internet and satellite communications, the fundamental benefits and drawbacks of each age of media progression have had remarkably similar characteristics.

The use of symbols to communicate with the masses was gradually replaced by persons of a region learning to orally interpret the words of others. This development facilitated trade and the spread of information from one location to another. When the first books were authored, most people did not have access to them because the original was used simply to hand scribe copies and then placed into libraries for posterity. This wasn’t a problem because only a select few extremely privileged members of a society were able to read. Consequently, they had the power to reign over all others because they controlled the flow of information.

Johannes Gutenburg invented the first movable type printing process in 1450, which marked the beginning of mass media. With Gutenberg’s invention he mass produced copies of The Holy Bible, and more people began to have access to the written word and realize the importance of the information that accompanied it. This advance eventually led to society understanding and discussing events that affected them and eventually gave rise to an affordable and effective way to question authority.

During the reign of Charles I of England, pamphlets were mass produced and used to inform great numbers of people of dissenting opinions regarding the way the crown was being worn. This eventually led to the English Revolution followed by the onset of an industrial revolution. Societies became an increasingly knowledgeable and opinionated force to be reckoned with. In an attempt to quiet the voices, censorship and selective taxation were born. Throughout history, the use of these tactics will prove to be ineffective in quieting the voices of dissention.

Pamphlets were once again used in early America to communicate political and theological ideologies to the masses and were met with the same attempts at censorship, but to no avail. Printing presses were few and far between in the Colonies, but the masses did have a medium to inform them.

As America grew, railroads ventured into the west and along with them went the telegraph line. By this time, there was no stopping the information snowball that was avalanching into political reform and accountability. This was followed by the invention of the telephone, soon to be followed by the transmission of radio waves, and once again, a government that didn’t appreciate the public having a voice.

Federal regulations were enacted that gave the Government an upper hand in controlling what could be and what couldn’t be done with this technology. Although the First Amendment had been in place for nearly 130 years, the Sedition Act in 1918 stomped all over the rights of the public to speak freely and the press to print what they deemed worthy. Society was threatened with prosecution if they publicly opined negatively about the powers that were. With the onset of television, this was once again repeated in the form of Senator Joseph McCarthy.

Today we live in a world with high speed internet access, satellite imagery and fiber optic networks spanning the globe. These advances allow the world to see the world as it is happening. If the people in power could be trusted to be honest and sensible to the people they are responsible to, the media and society would flourish. To society, much of this technology has contributed to living a life of increasing ease. Unfortunately, this same technology contributes greatly to what many would refer to as the social degradation of American culture. Americans are lazier and fatter than ever and expect instant gratification of their wants and needs. The ethical standards of journalists and political figures are constantly challenged by the ease with which they can manipulate the public view of the worlds’ situation. And where will it all end?

The media has evolved into a potential bridge to a future filled with promise, or an instrument of propaganda that could be wielded by the arms of politics and corporate America to benefit the few. History has shown us that the words of the constitution have often been slanted to benefit the people of influence and power. The public must be the element that propels advances in technology toward a respectable future rooted in integrity. They need to cut through the rhetoric and decide what is acceptable and what is not in media development and behavior. If society doesn’t demand their rights as written in The U.S. Constitution and insist on total honesty and integrity from governing bodies, I fear that all of this magnificent progress in the media will have been irrelevant.