Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I Like the Word Sexy


Confessions of an Indecent Lover of Words

(update)
As predicted in the following piece, not one traditional newspaper would print the article referred to. The Editor of one of them, Chris Fletcher of The Daily Herald of Columbia, TN, did consider it and called me for byline information. He sent me an e-mail a half hour later and backed out, saying if it was published elsewhere, he had no interest in it. Each issue of that paper proudly prints the words to the First Amendment guaranteeing my right to a free press, while at the same time denying those rights. None of the other papers even acknowledged reciept of the submission.

I wrote an article recently titled “Sexy Hair, Vulgar Thinking” which was published at http://www.maurynewsnet.com/ and http://www.americanchronicle.com/. I also sent it to several traditional newspapers for consideration of publication in their Opinions and Editorial pages. Unfortunately, I suspect none of the papers I submitted it to will print it. They won’t print it because it points out just how arrogantly ignorant some people in positions of power can be, and the mainstream media avoids controversy. Other reasons they might give for not printing it are because it is too wordy, or because I can’t write.

No, I’m not talking about President Bush again. I’m talking about members of the municipal government of Spring Hill, Tennessee. To make a long story short, the Mayor and Director of Codes and Inspections have more than likely violated a business owner’s First Amendment rights. Even when the blatantly obvious violation was questioned, the wise municipal leaders refused to see their error. In the true spirit of Bush era politics, they are going to stay the course, right, wrong or indifferent. When I asked the Mayor if he was concerned about the possible Constitutional violations, he told me if people have a problem with it, they could sort it out in court.

Now you’re all probably wondering what in the world I’m ranting about, so I’ll cut to the chase. The word “sexy” has been deemed vulgar and sexually obscene by these two members of the small, but growing Middle Tennessee city government. The word sexy has caused them to threaten pulling the plug on an electronic sign that features advertisements for several local businesses, if the word is not removed from an ad for a hair care product. Incidentally, the word sexy is actually in the name of the hair care product advertised.

This example of archaic thinking has got me thinking about how our species is thought to be progressive and more advanced than others. Recent current events in global, national and local venues could be used to debate that train of thought, and quite possibly dispel the silly notion that opposable thumbs make us superior beings.

If the city of Spring Hill, Tennessee were to ban all uses of the word sexy within their city limits, which their Mayor thinks they are entitled to do, their next order of business should be to elect penguins and chipmunks to serve on the city’s legislative body. The following is a glimpse at how life would be in Spring Hill, sans sexy.

GM (formerly Saturn), Spring Hill’s largest employer and taxpayer would not be allowed to use the word sexy to describe any of their new innovations in automotive design. I don’t know exact numbers, but automobile manufacturers have used the word sexy in their ads as long as I can remember. Those days of lewdness would be gone forever.

Most tabloids and magazines would have to be removed from supermarket checkout aisles. This includes the sexually explicit “People” which serves us the 50 sexiest people in the world once or twice a year, “TV Guide” which warns us of the sexy new fall television lineup, and “Star” which usually offers nothing much more than gossip and entertainment news, but can usually squeeze the word sexy onto the cover.

Signal scramblers would have to be placed around the city limits to block out the obscene material broadcast by television and radio stations. It would be nearly impossible to name all of the television shows and songs that include the word sexy in their titles or content.

Men would no longer be permitted to tell their wives they look sexy, even when they don’t, and the city library might as well burn all the books. Spouses and lovers should feel free to verbally abuse one another because it would be illegal for them to feel sexy about themselves anyway. Internet access will need to be terminated immediately for all persons and businesses in the city limits. You’d be amazed at what pops up when you google the word sexy. What a great place this will be!

Personally, I must be quite the pervert. I should be ashamed to say this publicly, but I’m not; I like the word sexy. I’ve been told I have a sexy voice, I’ve told women they have sexy eyes and I’ve even joked with my now deceased grandmother as she’d leave for church on Sundays. I still remember how she would blush and giggle when I’d tease that she must be going to church to find a man, because she looked so sexy.

Sexy can be an exclamation, a compliment or an invitation. Sexy can be cool, wet, sultry or hot. Sexy can be hard and well-defined or soft and blurry around the edges. And I suppose when used in a certain way, sexy could be considered lewd or explicit, but I find that sexy. I may be going to hell for saying it, but I like the word sexy!

At least I won’t be going to Spring Hill. Perhaps we should discuss the word “stupid” next time.

1 comment:

bubba said...

You are a moron